jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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