quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
