he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
