this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
