Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
