yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
