I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
