party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
