I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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