not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
