omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
