Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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