You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
