The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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