oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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