There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
