my soul wont recognize me after tonight
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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