I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
