Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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