Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
