im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
