2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
