I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
