I want to make a zoo with you.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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