Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
