Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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