Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
