Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
