I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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