I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
