Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
