we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
