fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
