You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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