so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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