you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
