Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
