I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
