you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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