why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
