This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Welp...herpes.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
