No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
