He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
