So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
