I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
