i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
