we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
it glows. i had to have it.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
