somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
