You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
