So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
