You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Panties = found
Randomize
