I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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