I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
