How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
