Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
