Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
