Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
