You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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