I am puke
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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