i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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