She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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